Tag Archives: blog

Tired, and thrilled about it

I promised myself a long time ago that I wouldn’t complain when my life finally reached the point where I was tired at the end of a day from doing things I love.

I think that point is here.

For details, may I recommend signing up to receive my monthly newsletter; right now, since I’ve really got to crash, here’s a quick explanation of why I am currently tired.

I was up past 2am for a short-notice self-tape, then had a great meeting at 10:30am and worked an 8.5-hour shift, during which I learned that I have an audition tomorrow afternoon shortly after a pitch session beginning at 11 tomorrow morning, before which I’m hoping to squeeze in a jog and make my hair and makeup look great and pick up a thank-you gift for someone. After the audition, maybe I can work a half-day (this job, while I’m on the topic, is so flexible when it comes to gigs and auditions and has helped me tremendously with my pitching skills); if not, I might even be able to nap (whoa!) before watching a friend of mine in a play which was created in part by another friend of mine.

When I flip to next week in my dayplanner, I see the North American premiere of my most recent short film, some dedicated writing time, and at least one opportunity to use currently held talents in a new and exciting arena.

None of this is to say that I’m tired because I get everything done; I actually missed a blog this summer (even though publishing a post once a month should be super-easy), I won’t spend any time today on a new screenplay even though I’ve been pretty disciplined about working on that consistently so far, I’m weeks behind on a bunch of emails, and my room hasn’t been fully clean in the longest time. But what kind of fool would I be if I spent all my time stressing over those things instead of being glad for the important ones up top?

As we head into the final sixth of the year 2019, I truly hope you’re happy with what you’re doing now, or what you’ll be doing soon, or both.

Rest up. We’re all going to need it.

<3

IMG_1426 2

Reflections on a Very Artsy Weekend

Wow.

This past week was super-tiring. The week coming up will probably be equally tiring, for different reasons. So I’m proud and gratified that I made/took/created time for a variety of artistic pursuits in between, especially in the last 48 hours or so.

Friday night I came home from work and watched one of my fave films with Dad: The Devil Wears Prada. It’s so well-done, and it’s held up really nicely over time (can you believe it’s 13 years old?!), and since I’ve only watched clips of it lately (thank you, Lessons from the Screenplay; thank you, Dylan is in Trouble) it felt good to take the whole thing in.

Saturday I spent basically the entire day at the Canadian Film Fest, which is such a fun, well-organized event that I’m astonished I’ve never been to it until this year! Over the three screenings I attended I was able to watch 20 short films and a feature, projects that some of my friends and acquaintances were part of won awards, and neither my tiredness (nor my bummed-out-ness at not having won the $10,000 prize I was hoping for as one of the Top Ten Semifinalists for their Script Contest) were enough to keep me from the afterparty, which I THOROUGHLY enjoyed. (That’s in all caps because it’s surprising; normally I’m super awkward or even bored at industry parties.) My boyfriend and I had some great conversations, only about half of which concerned filmmaking and storytelling and art, and I was reminded that I’m still on the right track even when I don’t feel like I am — plus, I was inspired to add a new tidbit to that same Top Ten screenplay.

Right before I left for church this morning, a neighbour of mine tipped me off that today is the last day to see Femmes Noires, the stirring Mickalene Thomas exhibit at the AGO. I made my way there after services despite the dozen tasks already in my dayplanner, and I’m so deeply glad that I did. Femmes Noires reminded me that it’s really easy to overlook the celebration of black women’s bodies and the amplification of our voices unless you immerse yourself in work like this once in awhile — because our bodies are so often exposed and our voices routinely caricaturized. These are actually themes which show up in that same screenplay as well, so the timing of this visit was perfect. Also, out of the kindness of his heart and without me even asking, the gentleman who greeted me at the desk gave me a complimentary ticket! So I was smiling even before I checked my coat, and was happy to do a bit of shopping in the gift store on my way out. ;-)

I did just a little bit of writing a few hours later, adding to some thoughts on a new project which I’ll write either for TV or for film. And finally, though certainly not least,  literary art has been a big part of my weekend, as I’ve been keeping a promise I made to myself that I’ll read at least a few pages of a book (yes, it has to be paper held in my hands) every day. The Handmaid’s Tale has been getting most of my reading attention lately. So, from commercial film to indie film and indie filmmaking to visual (and audiovisual) art to the literary arts, I feel like I’ve really listened to that part of me who’s always asking to be immersed in the artistic world(s) this weekend. I might even carve out the time to play some piano before calling it a night.

And maybe all of that will make the upcoming week, which so far looks decidedly non-artsy, a little easier to handle.

IMG_0668

Look. Forward.

You know that cliché about how you should do something that scares you once a day? Well, I’m counting on the fact that not many people read my blog to make this less scary for me. =)

Goals are important, and they’re (sometimes) more powerful if written down and/or shared with others, and I recently laid out nine career goals for myself to accomplish in 2019. I’m not sharing all of them here because being brave and being flighty are two different things . . . one or two of these goals would be unprofessional of me to talk about on social media, and a couple others are the types of things I’d rather play close to the chest . . . but hey, I’ll give you three!

1) In 2019 I will book (at least) 3 gigs requiring me to sing.

Last April I sang in a burlesque show and was all excited to be returning to the stage as a singer . . . yet I haven’t done it since then. I’m grateful for some other things have come up which I didn’t know about back in springtime, but I was a singer long before I was an actor and it’s time to stop ignoring that. (I began writing this on December 30th, which is the 5th day of Kwanzaa, and its principle is Nia which means purpose . . . noted.)

2) In 2019 I will book (at least) 2 gigs requiring me to act.

Does that seem low? To be perfect honest with you, I’m alright with that. As hinted above, I need to push myself back toward music more, and I’ve got a team and system set up for Chattrisse the actor which Chattrisse the singer doesn’t really have at the moment – so lowballing this one doesn’t bother me. (Besides, I said “at least” . . . so yeah.)

3) In 2019 I will book (at least) 1 gig requiring me to dance.

I haven’t had what I consider to be the full use of my body for two and a half years now, due to some lingering shoulder issues. At one memorable dance audition, I made these shoulder issues worse, and I’ve been very very timid about dancing since then. By now, I’m happy to report that my shoulder is really really close to being back to normal – it’s fine for almost every regular daily task – so it’s time for me to stop using that excuse.

There can be some overlap between these goals – I hope there is! Let’s just say I were to book a musical theatre job, like Memphis or Hamilton or The Lion King – I would be acting and singing and dancing, and that counts for all three categories. There might also be overlap between those three and . . .

4) In 2019 I will acquire (at least) 6 new credits as a writer.

Having shared that one with you, I’m actually feeling nervous, which is next door to scared. And to be clear, I’m including the word “credits” because I write stuff all the time, but I’m now talking about things I write which are actually seen/heard/experienced in some sort of public performance or exhibition. Although I don’t know whether something I’ve written in 2018 which is finished and released in 2019 will count for my 2019 total, I do know that I want to write more successful projects: films, songs, web, maybe TV or a published book, I want to write it all. I’ve actually – don’t laugh – started writing my memoirs, because I figure it’s a timesaver (and I’ll remember things better now than when I’m 97 anyway).

And since I’ve gone and spilled the beans on that one, I’ll throw in another bonus shared goal.

5) In 2019 I will write (at least) one spec script.

I’m terrified of having to do this – the idea of writing a script for a make-believe episode of a show which already exists and having to remain consistent with the tone of that show and the voices of its characters really freaks me out. But I’ve been avoiding it for years and it’s time to put on my big-girl-writer hat and get it done.

Okay, enough! Those of you who wish me well, please cheer me on as I go after these goals and others; those of you who I wish well, you know I’m already sending you I-believe-in-you-now-go-get-em thoughts and looking forward to seeing you rise and shine. Those of you who don’t wish me well, how nice of you to stick around! I hope you have a nice day anyway =)

Thanks for reading, everyone . . . and Happy New Year!

PHOTO-2018-08-23-22-06-14 3

Chattrisse does London, England!

You know that feeling when you’ve woken up before 6am because your body is still five hours ahead, so you decide to make yourself useful and write a blog post?

Yeah.

So! I’ve just returned from my first ever trip to London (England), which is somewhere I’ve always wanted to go, particularly because my mom grew up in London (Ontario). It was a short visit, with lots of goodies packed in =)

First up, we got on the tube and paid a visit to Buckingham Palace (regrettably, the Queen was not in), and saw Piccadilly Circus and Oxford Street (shopping stop #1).

IMG_9280 PHOTO-2018-08-23-22-06-14 3 PHOTO-2018-08-23-22-06-12 PHOTO-2018-08-23-22-05-39 PHOTO-2018-08-23-22-06-15 2 PHOTO-2018-08-23-22-06-16 PHOTO-2018-08-23-22-06-14 2

 

We snuck in Shopping Trip #2 the next day … and then the famous English rain made our visit to the London Eye, which was one of my must-sees, somewhat less enjoyable than it could have been, but here are a couple of photos to prove I was there, lol!

IMG_9267 IMG_9274 IMG_9287

My first English high tea was another favourite memory from the trip … I really should have asked them for their scones recipe. So good!

IMG_9299 IMG_9300 IMG_9303

Now, since it was London jump-up time, we also went to a couple of fetes, and to Panorama, and to Notting Hill Carnival. Not a whole lot of pics taken by me, but enough so that you get the idea …

IMG_9282 IMG_9315 FullSizeRender copy IMG_9323

 

Usually you get to sleep in the morning after jumping up, right? … Yeah, no. Because our overriding reason for this trip was to attend a wedding at Addington Palace, at 11am the morning after Carnival! (Here’s a tip: if you wear a fascinator, it will distract people from how tired your eyes look. #carnivallifehack)

IMG_9332 IMG_9356 IMG_9348 IMG_9371 IMG_9382

 

In the midst of all these activities were a couple of jogs, a couple of church services, geeking out as I stood in front of the theatre where Hamilton is playing in London, and several head-scratching moments at train stations. And the very next morning, I was back at the airport where I squeezed in Shopping Trip #3 before flying home.

IMG_9396 IMG_9401

Whew! Hectic, tiring, and so very very worth it. London has definitely left me wanting more, and I’m looking forward to my return trip! Til next time …

xo

On set for a Divine Brown video shoot ... the first time I was ever paid to dance ;-)

Five-Year Flashback …

… Dancer Chattrisse is still a baby compared to the other Chattrisse listed in this old post, which you should absolutely go back and read so you know what on earth I’m talking about. (That pic represents the first time I was considered a professional [read: paid] dancer … ah, memories.)

That post was the first thing I ever blogged here, and this Wednesday it will be five years old — that’s crazy! Thanks, internet, for hanging in there with me while I learned to blog, and did it regularly, and stopped doing it, and got back on the wagon again.

Huh. Kind of like dance, interestingly … as some of you know, I injured my shoulder in spring 2016 and due to a condition that developed during the healing process, it’s still not back to 100%, and due to this, I’ve been doing significantly less dancing since 2016 than I would like. (One of the many reasons I love this video is that it was filmed mere days before the original shoulder injury; I still don’t have my full range of motion back, but at least I can admire what I looked like when I’d never considered losing it!)

So I’m taking a moment to look back and congratulate myself. For being transparent and for finding a new way of sharing my thoughts five years ago, for learning to be patient with my body during the last two years, and for how much better I will be two and five years from now.

Just for fun, what were you doing five years ago? And how does it relate to what you’re doing today?

Isla Caine - Viva Italia 03

Introducing . . . Isla Caine (Chattrisse does burlesque!)

Last fall, I saw a dear friend of mine (Cassidy) perform in a fabulous burlesque show created by another friend of mine (Knox). Many people think of burlesque as just a bunch of hot women taking their clothes off in front of a sleazy crowd and not much else, right? Not on Knox’s watch — this was a full-scale production with a plot, period costumes and props, music, interesting characters, incredible dancing and choreography and singing, and both women and men of diverse appearances — including body types — performing burlesque for a warm and responsive audience. I stood around afterward, talking to one or two dancers who’d performed for Knox before, and said that I was going to try out for one of her shows in 2018.

Necessary background info:

(1) I am a lifelong singer; I’ve been singing at home since forever and in public since I was six years old, although

(2) I still battle with shyness, and feel that none of my public performances have ever been as good as what I manage to pull off vocally when I’m alone at home

(3) For almost as long as I’ve been singing in public, I’ve been very self-conscious about my body, and this has been exacerbated by the fact that

(4) For nearly two full years, I’ve been recovering from a shoulder injury (really, two of them) and this has led to a deepening of my disappointment in, and disdain toward, my own body

(5) In addition to a slump in my dancing, it’s been quite awhile since I was onstage singing. Except for a guest spot in a Chris Birkett show last October, it honestly may be over a year now — I literally don’t remember.

And finally, (6) I am a born-again Christian who still many questions about reconciling God’s love, my gratitude for innumerable miracles including our own bodies, and the shame that many Western people, particularly women, are programmed to experience when we discuss or display our sexuality.

Where am I going with all this? Well, even though I had plenty of reasons to simply disregard my stated goal of auditioning for a burlesque show, I decided that they all boiled down to one: fear. I pulled that fear out of my head and held it in my hand, where I could get a good look at it and remind myself how much bigger than it I am and always will be. I weighed all six of the points listed above, and decided to go through with the audition. With Knox’s help, I created a new act starring a new character: Isla Caine.

“Isla” can be either “EESS-lah” (Spanish pronunciation) or “EYE-lah” (English pronunciation), depending on where she is and who she’s talking to . . . because if you know me personally, you know that my most-used skills throughout life have probably been reading, writing, speaking, and code-switching. “Caine” is mostly a nod to sugar cane, since I’m Caribbean and I can be very sweet. Isla Caine emphasizes some of the realest parts of Chattrisse. She has a soothing voice. You see her commanding personality when it comes to getting things done. She’s willing to appreciate her curves even if they aren’t all in the places where she’d like them to be yet. And in terms of fashion, the vibe she gives you is made up of Miranda Priestley (Meryl Streep’s character in The Devil Wears Prada), Michael Jackson’s Smooth Criminal ensemble, and a deep appreciation for jewel tones.

So I did it! On April 12th, I took the stage at Revival in a white suit over a black blouse, with smouldering eye makeup and a bright red lip. My hair was coiled into a bun and I wore my real-life oversized glasses. Before an audience of friends and cousins (but mostly strangers), I sang Diana Krall’s version of “Peel Me a Grape” while removing my blazer, blouse, pants, and elbow gloves. By the time I sashayed off the stage in my stilettos with my hair swinging back and forth across my shoulder blades, I was wearing only my matching aubergine bra and panties. And for once, no doubt because I was singing into a beautifully restored antique microphone, my voice sounded far better floating through the venue than it did it any of my at-home rehearsals.

Even before I was hugged by my people in the audience, or checked my phone to see a congratulatory message from a friend in Vancouver which contained a video clip of me onstage mere minutes earlier, or saw any of the pics or footage, I felt so good. I was so proud of myself for facing off against my nerves and fear and insecurities, and the feeling kept growing as I proudly watched Gin Kelly, another first-timer who I know from the world of acting, wow the crowd. Cassidy, who’s a pro at this, absolutely killed her set too. From what I was able to see, every woman and man who took the stage did themselves proud, and it felt incredible to be in the ring with them instead of watching from the sidelines.

On a very real level, if you aren’t learning you aren’t growing. One of my guiding principles (especially for this transition period I seem to still be in) is to keep learning, no matter what; otherwise I’ll have gone through an entire new season and have no growth to show for it. Creating and debuting Isla Caine has certainly taught and tested me, and while I haven’t decided yet how soon (or whether) I’ll bring her back out again, I’m truly glad to meet her and get to know myself a little better at the same time.

Thanks to Knox, Cassidy and all of the other Viva Italia performers, my family and friends who came, the sound guy whose name I forget right now but he’s super-cool, and to Hollywood Jade whose years of Urbanesque dance classes have helped me more than he knows.

Thanks also to photographer Ruth Gillson for the wonderful images! Speakeasy at Revival is a monthly event at 783 College St here in Toronto and if you’re looking for a fear to conquer, you may want to get in touch and ask to audition. Either way, check out one of their shows; I think you’ll be glad you did!

Isla Caine - Viva Italia 02

xo

FullSizeRender 3

What’s this season called?

I’m in a transition phase in my life … which is starting to sound kind of funny to me since I’ve been saying that for more than six months now. First it was time to leave my full-time day job, then I switched into a part-time evening one, then I had an audition drought (which was pretty annoying, since the job change had been prompted in part by my desire to have my daytimes free for auditions), then I used those daytime hours to write my first feature-length screenplay and apply for funding to help get it made, then I reinvigorated my training as an actor and got new headshots, then I had a few auditions followed by two more audition-barren weeks, and now I’m in training at a new new day/evening job and the auditions have started to pick up again.

In the meantime, I’ve taken a vacation (a concept which is nearly as foreign to me as the idea of celebrating a romantic anniversary, which I’ve also recently done), said goodbye to my cat (a beloved faithful companion of 14 years), dealt with a health issue or two (nothing awful, don’t worry), and had numerous extended family members pass away. So in many ways it feels like a turbulent time in my life.

When I expressed this recently to a friend, she said “Try and have patience. You’re likely coming through the other end now,” and “Longer transitions mean a greater impact when you land … I’d like to think.”

So would I.

I received another helpful insight from a social worker, who has suggested that I try being more compassionate with myself. I live my life by a set of unwavering standards, and I’ve always been able to fall back on my adherence to them even when those around me fall short. This has mostly served me well – except that I’m starting to wonder whether one of the lessons I’m meant to learn now is to let up on myself every now and then. To have a non-productive day without feeling bad about it. To treat myself with gifts once in awhile, the way I love to treat others. To congratulate myself for tries as well as actual wins. Because when I stop and think of all the reasons (excuses) I could’ve come up with to not write, not seek medical advice, not pay for classes and new headshots, not travel, and not go back into the Job Hunt Vortex … twice … all of those tries begin to look more and more like wins to me.

This is where I’m supposed to deliver an elegant finish; I don’t really have one. I guess I’ll just thank you for reading, and for sharing any of your own recent tries and wins that you’d like to let the world know about; and give thanks, of course, to my friends and fam who love me undoubtedly.

And thank you, Self. I’m proud of you.

xo

 

 

PS: For real, what are you reaching for right now? I’d love to know!

FullSizeRender

Tired … On Purpose

This post will probably be more useful to me than it is to you.

Roughly ten years ago, when I was taking dance classes regularly, I had a brief meetup with a dancer friend of mine inside of DLM Studio on Bloor St West. He told me about how tired he was because of all the dancing he’d been doing (both that day and in general). I remember telling myself “Don’t do this. Don’t get to the point where you complain about doing so much singing, or acting, or whatever.” What I think I said out loud was something to the effect of, “Hey, everybody’s tired, but at least you’re tired from doing a lot of something you love.” And I’ve been reminded of that conversation numerous times.

Like yesterday, for example.  My Saturday, February 17th was awesome.

Tiring?

Yes.

Hectic?

Yep, even more so than an average weekend for me.

Worthwhile?

Well, let’s see.

Although I went to bed too late on Friday (my day job is an evening one), I woke up on time Saturday to arrive at the location for a music video shoot at 9:45am. I was one of the production assistants, helping to organize various things so that my friends and their dancers/models could focus on giving the best performances possible. It was so good to support folks I really care about who are working to make their dreams come true, while meeting some new ones and having the fun of being part of a creative project without any of the stress of the project being mine. Although the shoot was an all-day affair, I left at 1pm after a partial outfit change to get to the Art Gallery of Ontario before 2 (eating snacks en route on the 505 Dundas streetcar). At the AGO I had time to apply lipstick, mingle a bit, and settle in for a tribute to and Q&A session with acclaimed casting director Robi Reed, who bestowed some nuggets of useful knowledge as part of the 6th annual Toronto Black Film Festival. Two of my favourites were “Stay ready so you don’t have to get ready,” and “There are two kinds of people: the people who want it and the people who can’t live without it.” That ended a bit before 4, so my friend and I were able to mingle a bit more and then hustle to catch the 4:15 showing of the Black Panther movie with my dad and my boyfriend. All I will say about that at this moment is that Black Panther is one of the best movies I’ve seen, I fervently hope to play a role like Shuri’s one day (yessss Letitia Wright!), and this film will go down in history as a memorable one for so many of the right reasons – I’m so happy I was able to see it on its opening weekend. The last event of the day was a live comedy show starring Toronto comedian Trixx, who’s absolutely blown up online since the first time – years ago – I saw him onstage in person. While Trixx and the other comedians were all very funny, one of my favourite parts of the night was probably his serious show ending, where he talked about the support he receives from Torontonians despite our reputation as the Screwface Capital. It was especially cool that when I made my way up to Trixx to congratulate him afterward, he greeted me as “Ms Director” (a bit preliminary, but I’ll take it!), which just seemed to confirm to me that while you’re watching someone else rise and shine, they may also be aware of you doing the same thing. And then, on the way home, I realized that I’d received an email during the show confirming my participation in a Master Class with a Gemini-award-winning screenwriter and director at the upcoming ACTRA conference; essentially, my first audition of the year, and one with maybe 200 people watching it. Live.

I was very tired by the time I got to bed, and it was the kind of tiredness that inspires and even demands gratitude. Even better: although yesterday was particularly careerful (haha), it wasn’t an anomaly for 2018 Chattrisse Dolabaille. Today I took an acting class which involved a true performance breakthrough for me; on Monday I’ll be getting new headshots done and writing; Tuesday will involve prep for the ACTRA conference which is on Wednesday and Thursday; the next screening of my short film CHECK is on Friday. And et cetera.

I wanted to publish this so that I’ll have something tangible to point to when future successes seem to some as though they materialized from nothing. I actually keep a little notebook where I write down every career-related task that I do each day, to make sure I don’t let any days go by without adding to the pile; and even though I still have *so* much more building to do, I know that I’ve been putting in work that I can be proud of. Since I’m learning and growing, my goals are within my reach; since my goals are within my reach, I have more learning and growing to do. I don’t know if I’ll ever feel like I’ve “made it” and the bulk of the work is behind me; I do know that every time I yawned today, somewhere deep down inside my soul, I gave myself a high-five.

So at the risk of repeating myself, let’s promise that since we spend so much of our adult lives being tired anyway, we’ll make sure that at least some of that tiredness is the result of chasing our dreams. Not so that we can complain about the effort, but so that we can develop those dream-chasing habits and muscles.

Now if you’ll excuse me . . . bedtime. And not just because I don’t want bags under my eyes for tomorrow’s shoot =)

Image-1 (1)

Ujamaa … or, How to Buy Black?

Helpful hint: if you’re a black business owner with the ability to reach folks who observe Kwanzaa (in other words, this applies to every black business owner who has ever heard of the internet), you should consider either releasing new products on December 29th or having a sale that day, or both.

The 29th of December is the fourth day of Kwanzaa, and its principle is Ujamaa, or “co-operative economics.” Observers are encouraged to support black businesses and black business owners in order to help build and strengthen the community.

The phrase “Buy Black” is familiar to many people by now, and it’s an important, subtle yet meaningful way to counter some of the economic oppression which has been endured by the black diaspora for centuries. It’s clear that a disturbingly high amount of dollars from within the black community don’t remain within the black community for long enough to build the community up; what isn’t always so clear, in an age where so many financial transactions are completed without you ever knowing the ethnic background of who is eventually getting your money, is how to correct this at the micro level.

“Buy Black,” you say. Especially on December 29th. Okay, yes, of course … but how do I buy black correctly?

One of my default Ujamaa shopping spots is A Different Booklist, a black-owned bookstore here in Toronto. Co-owner Itah Sadu went to school with my father, so her Black Card credentials are easily verifiable. So let’s say I head over there to buy a copy of “The Hate U Give,” one of my favourite new reads of 2017. It was written by Angie Thomas (another black woman) and happens to be full of socially aware content in a compelling story told through the eyes of a black girl narrator (bonus black points!). Have I done Ujamaa right?

Because I’ve definitely bought black … well, mostly. It is, after all, highly doubtful that all of the links in the chain of production for “The Hate U Give” are black. It may be that a majority of the people whose work was required to get this book into my hands are not (or, are not only) black, although the woman who birthed it and the woman who sold it to me both are.

And speaking of birth … what if the owner of the store, while identifying as black, had one biological parent who was black and one who wasn’t? Or, let’s say there are two black-owned bookstores that I know of, both within a reasonable distance from me. (Sidebar: the fact that this is not the case points right back to the importance of observing the principle of Ujamaa in the first place.) Both are stocked with books I want at prices I find reasonable. If one is owned by a black person whose parents are both black, and the other is owned by a married couple consisting of a black spouse and a non-black spouse, is shopping at one a more appropriate Ujamaa mission than shopping at the other? What if the other spouse is mixed?

Maybe I’m over-complicating this; maybe a book is a bad example. Something like taking your family out for soul food at a black-owned restaurant is a lot more straightforward … although the restaurant’s ingredients probably come from all over the world and its suppliers are likely not all black … plus, what if their staff aren’t all black either? Hey, what if the generic franchise eatery down the road, with a much larger staff, happens to employ three times more black chefs and servers – isn’t eating there the same as putting money into the pockets of more black people?

I don’t mind admitting that I got a lot less done than I planned to on December 29, 2017, largely because of this. Two of my black business owner friends make and sell kickass, unique clothing and accessories (scroll to the end for links); I made sure to purchase from both of them earlier in the month, but I wanted to find new benefactors for the modest amount of disposable cash I had left over from Boxing Day. I kept finding or thinking of cool items I wanted, and then waffling because I wasn’t sure whether the purchase would receive the stamp of Ujamaa approval. For example, I want that gorgeous lip colour from Rihanna’s makeup line … but I don’t see any proof that she’s an owner. (She probably will benefit from my purchasing it, but does the fact that the line is branded with a black person’s name make it a truly “black” purchase?) I found websites which sell adorable accessories featuring black mermaids and the likenesses of black singers (again, scroll to the end for links) … but one is owned by an ally who appears to be white, and one has no “meet the owner” section which might enable me to gauge who they are. What was I supposed to do, assume that a person selling something with Lauryn Hill on it must be black just because Lauryn is? Start creeping them on Facebook to find out what they look like? Send an email that said “Hey, I hope this doesn’t sound racist, but are you black? Because I like your product, but today is the fourth day of Kwanzaa so I’m only going to type in my credit card info if you reply back with a selfie before 11:55pm EST ”?

While I did eventually make a decision (my LipservceCos lipstick is on its way to me right now), this dilemma prompted me to set some guidelines for myself when it comes to buying black, on any day of every year:

  1. Accept that these guidelines are what works for me right now; no one else is required to agree with them. And if a future version of me doesn’t agree with them, she is free to choose new ones for herself.
  2. Acknowledge that businesses, like people, are complex and multifaceted. There will be occasions when sifting through layers of data to find out “whose business is this, really?” is ultimately a waste of time. (Especially when a Google search can actually hinder instead of helping this cause.)
  3. Remember that because buying black is an increasingly constant priority throughout my year, I don’t need to stress out about it come December 29th. This means I will continue to keep an eye out for small black-owned businesses I can support at any time, the same way I keep an eye out for opportunities to support small businesses, period.

Fun fact: according to Wikipedia, the meaning of the Swahili word “ujamaa” (outside of the context of Kwanzaa) is “extended family,” “brotherhood,” or “socialism,” which suggests to me that anyone who is too eager to judge a particular purchase on some sort of Black Enough? scale is really missing the point. So with that in mind, alongside the guidelines above, I decided to create a challenge for myself: Between now and the end of the year, I will have made a first purchase from at least 12 black businesspeople; and I will also be purchasing from allies who are supportive of black progress though they themselves do not identify as black. 

And for real, I hope to see some Ujamaa sales and/or discount codes popping up right after Christmas!

PS: In case you’re interested, here’s a so-far list of folks who can expect to get my money in 2018, whether it’s for clothing or accessories or event tickets or makeup or food.

Angie Thomas – I want my own copy of THUG … <3 … and I’m also going to see the movie when it comes out in theatres. (Ms Thomas, will your second novel be out before 2019? Because I’m coming for that too…)

Pat McGrath Labs - I’m so in love with the colours of her makeup through the screen, and can only hope not to be disappointed IRL … oh, also, that new lip balm sounds tantalizing.

Chinedesign - I love the clothes I’ve bought from Chinedu Akabam for myself; my cousin loves the shirt I bought for her from him; my friend Max loves the clothes she bought from him too. He’s 3 for 3! Plus …

Supafrik – … the very same Chinedu throws some of the dopest parties around. There are still so many people I want to bring to their first #GUMBO party =D

Papaya & Co – this brand is one of my fave finds of 2017, for sure! I still get tons of compliments on my blue tote … one of my homegirls is gna flip out when she sees her belated Christmas gift … and I haven’t even debuted my latest piece from them yet =)

Fenty Beauty – it’s simple, really: I want that Stunna Lip Paint, pronto. I’ll probably cop a Mattemoiselle too.

Oh Plesiosaur – you know what? When someone creates pins featuring beautiful brown-skinned mermaids, is told “nothing to do with race, but black mermaids don’t look good!” from a prospective purchaser, and then decides to keep making the black mermaid pins while also making a donation to the NAACP, I am quick to hand over my money. Here’s the kicker: as far as I know, she isn’t even black >>> top-notch allying right there. I’m ordering one set, and I’m on the email-me-when-back-in-stock list for another. This is also where you should go if you want pins with mermaids who aren’t skinny, mermaids wearing hijabs, lovely and imaginative pins of all sorts (most are not mermaids, lol) by an LGBTQ+woman-owned line.

High Five Pins – let me not say too much about what I’m buying from here, since it’s a gift for someone who will almost certainly read this post …

Radical Dreams - in 2017 I bought pins from these folks for my dad, my friend Jerome, and myself, and I’m planning to come back for more! 

Good Dope Supply Co – it would really suck if, between the time I wrote this and the time I placed my order, the Lauryn Hill pins had sold out completely. Fortunately that isn’t the only one I want! =D

(New to my blog? I promise most of my posts are far shorter than 1700 words. xoxo)

image

Recap: The Big Birthday

Now that it’s May, I can look back at my most recent birthday, which was in early March.

Allow me to explain.

My birthday is on the 3rd, which means my champagne birthday happened when I was 3 and barely knew what “birthday” meant. Womp. Other significant birthdays ranged from very good (Sweet 16) to verrrry stressful (Quarter-Century), and overall the birthday to beat was March 3rd, 2014 (spent living it up in Dubai, shopping and fly boarding and going up the tallest building in the world). For my reverse champagne birthday (someone else can think of a cool name for it) I decided to go all out, celebrating 3 decades of life in 3 different countries over a span of 3 months.

IMG_0110

I already had my ticket for Trinidad Carnival, so I kicked off the celebrations there and you can read all about it in my last post.  I came back home and danced the night away at a fete with a few of my girlfriends, then released the trailer for my new webseries-to-be and released a radio single. I celebrated my actual birthday by leaving work early to go to 2 auditions before taking myself shopping.

Almost showtime!

Almost showtime!

The birthday fell on a Thursday; that weekend I got to see the Alvin Ailey Dance Theatre perform with the added bonus of watching it with my little cousin. This was our first show together! And she’s the same age I was when our Grandma took me to my first concert, which I think is awesome. There was a family dinner after that, and then I went to my curlfriend Nicole Stamp’s place to learn how to work natural hair magic like she does. I’ve been in love with my hair ever since. I got to show off my curls the next day at a delicious and hilarious brunch with a bunch of friends and cousins.

IMG_8574

Harlem Underground

Harlem Underground

The next weekend I was reshooting sections of my Digital Dossier, and then I had new headshots taken by Denise Grant. It did rain that day, which ruined my plans for my hair, but MUA Christine Cho waved her magic wand and the pictures look pretty damn good in my opinion ;-)

CD202

I almost ran out of time to squeeze in my third country, but in April I went to New York City (where I hadn’t been since 2012, and where I definitely need to be more often). Just looking at Manhattan, or walking up and down the streets there, feels like celebrating to me. Even better that I got to spend time with friends I hadn’t seen in years. And I got some good buys in on the way home, tee-hee!

Haven't "seen" her since she was in her mom's belly!

Haven’t “seen” her since she was in her mom’s belly!

So I did it: celebrated in 3 countries, between the beginning of February and the end of April, and the good times keep rolling. Other things have added to my birthday celebrations over the 3-month time period: I left my day job, auditions have picked up, I’ve booked a play in Peterborough and one in Toronto for this summer, and I’m leaving for Haiti in a week!

Happy Birthday to me, and Dirty Thirty is looking exquisite so far . . .